The Power of March Madness Compels Me
“Don’t talk trash about your University of Virginia men’s basketball team unless they win,” my once-removed first cousin said.
My once-removed first cousin is one of my elders and is often right. I’m usually wrong. Maybe, I’m always wrong. Regardless, this time I rejected his 69 years of wisdom. I said, “I can’t contain myself.” The power of March Madness compels me. THE POWER OF MARCH MADNESS COMPELS ME!
In a four-person group text message thread, BBear wrote, “It would be great to win the Atlantic Coast Conference Men's Basketball Tournament, but it’s not necessary, and losing wouldn’t bounce us from a 1 seed. In fact, if we win just the first game in the ACC Tournament, that all but guarantees us the top seed overall.”
In that same thread, Hamburgers wrote, “It’s crazy, we’ve come so far that I don’t even care about the ACC title that much. When you win the regular season by four games, the tournament is kind of meaningless.”
I wrote, “Fuck that, I want the ACC title, too. I want it all. Fuck the rest of them.”
And when we won the ACC Tournament, I wrote, “I FUCKING WANT IT ALL. THE WORLD IS OURS. WAHOOWA.”
After the announcement that Virginia’s redshirt freshman forward De’Andre Hunter, who won the ACC's Sixth Man of the Year honor, got injured and can’t play again this year, BBear wrote, “Why does God hate us?”
Hamburgers then wrote, “Sigh, it’s great to win the ACC title, but that’s somewhat meaningless given our hopes this year. It’s a shame to see him injured like that.”
T-Unit then wrote, “He was the reason for my optimism. Now, I’d be lying if I said I felt confident about this being the year.”
T-Unit added, “😡 😠 😧😩 😢 😭”
Hamburgers responded, “I am driving, and Siri is describing all these emojis to me. It is amazing.”
I wrote, “Damn, now I really want to hear a robot explain those emojis to me, too.”
But more importantly I wrote, “Let’s calm down. Maybe we are the college basketball version of the Patriots. Players get tendon ruptures and concussions and murder humans, and they just keep winning.”
I FUCKING WANT IT ALL. THE WORLD IS OURS. WAHOOWA.
I’m ready for it: during my lifetime, only one of the sports teams I follow (Washington Redskins) has won its league’s championship, and those wins occurred when I was 4 and 8.
I’m all-in: this Virginia team has among the best defenses in the history of college basketball. It has at least two fewer losses than every other Division I team in the country.
The Virginia basketball team represents the American dream: there is just one McDonald’s All-American on the team, whereas last season the University of North Carolina had six McDonald’s All-Americans on its roster, Kentucky had five, and Duke had seven. Virginia gives its full effort on every defensive possession whereas many players on other teams play defense just as a means to get on offense.
So yeah, the power of March Madness compels me to talk some trash now. Virginia is America! Virginia’s head coach Tony Bennett may be a saint! Maybe he should be the U.S. president! Nevermind, because that would mean he would leave Virginia! I’d actually give him money directly or sexual favors to stay at Virginia and not be president (or the head coach of any other team)! Scratch that sexual favors statement, he’s like married and shit and I like women! But no seriously, I’d try to keep him in Virginia BY ANY MEANS! In January, Virginia held North Carolina to 49 points for the whole game! In November, Virginia held Wisconsin to 37 points for the whole game! That’s fucking insane! Happy March Madness! Wahoowa! Wahoowa! WAHOOWA!
Appearances
Learn about the current and future pharmaceuticals marketplace from expert perspectives across the pharmaceuticals field at Johns Hopkins Carey Business School’s Drug Accessibility and Pricing Symposium on March 19. I’ll be sharing the patient perspective in the late afternoon panel, "Where Do We Go From Here?" Registration is free online.
Some Recent Social Media Posts
My once-removed first cousin is one of my elders and is often right. I’m usually wrong. Maybe, I’m always wrong. Regardless, this time I rejected his 69 years of wisdom. I said, “I can’t contain myself.” The power of March Madness compels me. THE POWER OF MARCH MADNESS COMPELS ME!
 |
| Watching Virginia clobber Connecticut in football at Scott Stadium in Charlottesville on Sept. 16, 2017, with three of my closest friends from our first-year hall in Humphreys dorm. Photo by Abbey Beckwith Miller. |
In a four-person group text message thread, BBear wrote, “It would be great to win the Atlantic Coast Conference Men's Basketball Tournament, but it’s not necessary, and losing wouldn’t bounce us from a 1 seed. In fact, if we win just the first game in the ACC Tournament, that all but guarantees us the top seed overall.”
In that same thread, Hamburgers wrote, “It’s crazy, we’ve come so far that I don’t even care about the ACC title that much. When you win the regular season by four games, the tournament is kind of meaningless.”
I wrote, “Fuck that, I want the ACC title, too. I want it all. Fuck the rest of them.”
And when we won the ACC Tournament, I wrote, “I FUCKING WANT IT ALL. THE WORLD IS OURS. WAHOOWA.”
After the announcement that Virginia’s redshirt freshman forward De’Andre Hunter, who won the ACC's Sixth Man of the Year honor, got injured and can’t play again this year, BBear wrote, “Why does God hate us?”
Hamburgers then wrote, “Sigh, it’s great to win the ACC title, but that’s somewhat meaningless given our hopes this year. It’s a shame to see him injured like that.”
T-Unit then wrote, “He was the reason for my optimism. Now, I’d be lying if I said I felt confident about this being the year.”
T-Unit added, “😡 😠 😧😩 😢 😭”
Hamburgers responded, “I am driving, and Siri is describing all these emojis to me. It is amazing.”
I wrote, “Damn, now I really want to hear a robot explain those emojis to me, too.”
But more importantly I wrote, “Let’s calm down. Maybe we are the college basketball version of the Patriots. Players get tendon ruptures and concussions and murder humans, and they just keep winning.”
I FUCKING WANT IT ALL. THE WORLD IS OURS. WAHOOWA.
I’m ready for it: during my lifetime, only one of the sports teams I follow (Washington Redskins) has won its league’s championship, and those wins occurred when I was 4 and 8.
I’m all-in: this Virginia team has among the best defenses in the history of college basketball. It has at least two fewer losses than every other Division I team in the country.
The Virginia basketball team represents the American dream: there is just one McDonald’s All-American on the team, whereas last season the University of North Carolina had six McDonald’s All-Americans on its roster, Kentucky had five, and Duke had seven. Virginia gives its full effort on every defensive possession whereas many players on other teams play defense just as a means to get on offense.
So yeah, the power of March Madness compels me to talk some trash now. Virginia is America! Virginia’s head coach Tony Bennett may be a saint! Maybe he should be the U.S. president! Nevermind, because that would mean he would leave Virginia! I’d actually give him money directly or sexual favors to stay at Virginia and not be president (or the head coach of any other team)! Scratch that sexual favors statement, he’s like married and shit and I like women! But no seriously, I’d try to keep him in Virginia BY ANY MEANS! In January, Virginia held North Carolina to 49 points for the whole game! In November, Virginia held Wisconsin to 37 points for the whole game! That’s fucking insane! Happy March Madness! Wahoowa! Wahoowa! WAHOOWA!
Appearances
Learn about the current and future pharmaceuticals marketplace from expert perspectives across the pharmaceuticals field at Johns Hopkins Carey Business School’s Drug Accessibility and Pricing Symposium on March 19. I’ll be sharing the patient perspective in the late afternoon panel, "Where Do We Go From Here?" Registration is free online.
Some Recent Social Media Posts
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- Feeling awe watching the best in improv (and generally the best in any craft)