Dudes of Cancer: Monsieur June

Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs is a genius. He co-founded Apple in the ‘70s, was basically booted out of his own company in the ‘80s, and was brought back when Apple purchased Jobs’ new company, NeXT Computer, during Apple’s unprofitable years in the ‘90s. Since then, he has taken Apple to enormous heights: $37b in revenue (Fortune rank: 56); $6b in profits (rank: 26); and $209b in market value (rank: 3).

For the record, I am not a fan of Apple and talk shit about the company when it doesn’t make me look like a total idiot. Apple products are overpriced and overly restricted. I want to download my music for about $0.99 less than what iTunes charges, in most any format, and not have to worry about importing or exporting anything. My eight gigabyte SanDisk player cost me $90 brand new and syncs perfectly with Windows Media Player, and probably MediaMonkey, as well.

I’ll stick with my Windows-based PC. It costs a fraction of a Mac computer, is compatible with everything, and has a fucking right-click.

The iPhone is, admittedly, awesome, but I will stand by my boys at Google and happily show off my Droid Eris. As impressive as the iPhone 4 is, I bet a Droid comes along very soon that kicks the shit out of it (think Incredible, no wait…Evo, no wait…X, no wait…the next hot shit Droid phone that will inevitably arrive).

Apple restricts information and usability. Google wants the whole world to be accessible and free (at least so long as AdSense and AdWords continue dominating internet advertising, of course). It is creepy how Google places targeted ads in Gmail based on the content of my messages, and how my Droid immediately syncs with Facebook and Gmail. In fact, my contact list now somehow contains phone numbers of people I haven’t spoken to in ten years. And I believe Google knows enough information (think passwords, bank account numbers, etc.) to take over the world, but surely that would never happen (think Die Hard 4).

As well as being a genius, Steve Jobs is a dick. He reportedly throws temper tantrums and berates employees. But he is also a cancer survivor. He keeps his medical record private, which I commend him for. But it is believed that he developed a rare form of pancreatic cancer in 2004, which is often a very deadly disease. In 2009, he secretly received a liver transplant in Tennessee for what was likely a cancer recurrence in the form of liver cancer. It was reported that he may have cheated to get higher on the donor list, but sometimes to survive you have to say “fuck it,” even if that means someone else on the list dies in your place.

Good luck with your new phone and iPad, Stevie, even though that doesn’t support flash and isn’t quite in full HD. Your tablet may do everything else in the world, but those extra few pixels are clearly make-or-break for me.

*Update October 6, 2011: Steve died yesterday as a result of cancer.